I just threw up on my dentist
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sext me about skeletons
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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