its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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