Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Small penises have feelings too.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
