I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
