you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want nice things and good sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
