At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
