YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
