found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
