At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
