we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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