can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
