we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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