She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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