Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
