i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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