Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
