How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
