this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
