brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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