What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
