You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
