You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm too high and old for this...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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