I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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