Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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