They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
