Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
