the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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