I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
