Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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