So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
