as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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