why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
