Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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