i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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