Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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