I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
