Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
