Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
