i jhust puked up my retainher.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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