No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will be naked everywhere
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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