My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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