Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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