someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
