the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts