the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
