When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen