Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
