I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
