3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
