It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
