Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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