mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
