Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
