Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
