Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
