Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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