Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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