I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
