I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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