Where is the hickey?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
