Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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