So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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