Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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