jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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