Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
