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it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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