i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
