Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
