last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
