Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
