i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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