question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
