umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
