I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
