a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
