walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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